For anyone coming to France and staying over 4 days, unlike most tourists, an encounter with the sometimes awkward, sometimes super awkward, ‘bise’ is inevitable. This integral part of French culture, which can leave foreigners and new aliens feeling flummoxed, has its roots in the 14th century. Now, what revolutions, famines, fires, bad kings, strikes and Gilets jaunes could not do in over 600 years, has been accomplished by the Coronavirus in few short months.
A morning which began with passing through each colleague’s desk, planting two or three bise (depending on which region of France you are in) has been replaced thanks to the virus. Yes, replaced with a very boring ‘hi everyone’ which starts and stops at the door. I remember the time when the bise was an integral morning ritual, just like coffee. It made or destroyed many days, started gossip, broke the ice in a room filled with cold stares and, more often than not, made its way deep in your heart. It was a means to communicate without words how welcome or unwelcome you were in the circle. So cool were the days when you attended parties where you bised everyone whether you knew them or not. The bise is also an excellent mood predictor. When you have someone so close to your face, it is hard to miss whether they have had a fight with the better-half or if there is a romantic date in the offing. I also feel the bise kept people on their toes hygienically. When you know you are going to be touching the cheek of your boss, you shave properly, you apply moisturizer, you ensure that a shower is used every morning. And if the shower is too much, you perfume yourself well. No wonder, France is the largest maker and user of perfumes world wide.
But have we lost everything since the bise became obsolete. Not really. We may have gained some precious time. Indulge me in a short calculation to prove this.
Let's say every French worker has to bise atleast two colleagues per day. While the bise itself takes 10 seconds, it is followed up with the customary comment ça va?....ça va…ça va… While most often this ça va(s) ends the conversation for me, I have sufficient proof in terms of my own witness that for most French people the conversation following the bise is atleast 1 to 3 minutes. Sometimes longer. Lets stick to the average of 1.5 minutes.
Therefore, 1.5 minutes x 2 colleagues x 24 working days x 7 months since March 15 x 30 million French people between the age of 15-64 in active economic activity.
That is a whopping 15.12 billion man-minutes or 252 million man hours.
Compare this with the construction of the Eiffel tower which took roughly 800 days to construct and engaged 200 men on average every day (Source 1). By that calculation, 7 months without la bise has given the French a chance to build another 198 Eiffel towers. And if this “new normal” continues, we will have time enough for an Eiffel tower in each commune of France.
While all the time that has been saved, alas, la bise, you are missed and missed dearly!
Source 1: https://www.toureiffel.paris/en/the-monument/history